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i just can not do it!

 
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ibnishaq
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:30 pm    Post subject: i just can not do it!  Reply with quote

[rant mode]

you know, it has been so hard for me to deny islam. i dont know why but lately i have honestly been believing in the qu'ran and in allah. maybe it is these silly "miracle" things. maybe it is the science of the hadiths and how amazing it is compared to what i thought. i just dont know.

but lately i have been trying to live islamically. 99% of my friends are women, and i have turned down hanging out with them lately. i have tried not to look at the face of a woman because the hadiths say that you should not glance. i have tried not to have sex with my boyfriend lately. and even though i do not know how to do salat, i set my alarm at fajr' time and woke up and did woodoo(i know that) just to see how bad or hard it would be. i started reading qu'ran and especially sunnah. i even thought about l;etting a beard grow. (did not go that far tho!)

i have not been letting my great dog in my room. and i stopped watching the news and rachael ray and criminal minds and law and order and the democrat debates, because they all show women in it and appearently i am not supposed to glance at women.

i turned down two parties because there was drinking, and did not eat ham at Subway when i usually do. instead i had turkey which is not very good.

i tried to not listen to as much music and i stopped drawing.

i have tried to only do things beneficial and not what i generally do in life.

and it is SO HARD. and it has made me go into deep deep depression which is why i have been sort of away for a while.

i can not do it. i can not follow islam. it is too strict. i feel so alone and so sad. my mom visited but all i could think about was islam islam islam and it was hard for me to even speak to her because i had so much in my mind.

then i see my friends going to concerts and having all this fun while i am trying to not engage.

it is just impossible. i can not accept islam. i can't do it.

but at the same time i just feel that it is true. like i have found nothing against it. and i wish i could.

so i am like denying something that i sort of kind of feel is true. and i hate that.

but i can't do islam. for 2 years now i have been feeling this way. i can not go on feeling like this anymore. sometimes i wish i was dead. it has just totally crushed my life. while others are worrying about their relationships, or silly school work, i am here worrying about will i be in hell in the next life.

i just can't do it. i have to reject islam. i can not accept it. it is too much!

i feel so lonely like this. my friends know nothing about this either.

ok well i just had to let that out. it is killing me.
[/end rant]
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KrisP
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Removed by KrisP.

Last edited by KrisP on Mon Mar 10, 2008 3:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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All_Brains
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:49 pm    Post subject: Re: i just can not do it! Reply with quote

ibnishaq wrote:
[rant mode]

you know, it has been so hard for me to deny islam. i dont know why but lately i have honestly been believing in the qu'ran and in allah. maybe it is these silly "miracle" things. maybe it is the science of the hadiths and how amazing it is compared to what i thought. i just dont know.

but lately i have been trying to live islamically. 99% of my friends are women, and i have turned down hanging out with them lately. i have tried not to look at the face of a woman because the hadiths say that you should not glance. i have tried not to have sex with my boyfriend lately. and even though i do not know how to do salat, i set my alarm at fajr' time and woke up and did woodoo(i know that) just to see how bad or hard it would be. i started reading qu'ran and especially sunnah. i even thought about l;etting a beard grow. (did not go that far tho!)

i have not been letting my great dog in my room. and i stopped watching the news and rachael ray and criminal minds and law and order and the democrat debates, because they all show women in it and appearently i am not supposed to glance at women.

i turned down two parties because there was drinking, and did not eat ham at Subway when i usually do. instead i had turkey which is not very good.

i tried to not listen to as much music and i stopped drawing.

i have tried to only do things beneficial and not what i generally do in life.

and it is SO HARD. and it has made me go into deep deep depression which is why i have been sort of away for a while.

i can not do it. i can not follow islam. it is too strict. i feel so alone and so sad. my mom visited but all i could think about was islam islam islam and it was hard for me to even speak to her because i had so much in my mind.

then i see my friends going to concerts and having all this fun while i am trying to not engage.

it is just impossible. i can not accept islam. i can't do it.

but at the same time i just feel that it is true. like i have found nothing against it. and i wish i could.

so i am like denying something that i sort of kind of feel is true. and i hate that.

but i can't do islam. for 2 years now i have been feeling this way. i can not go on feeling like this anymore. sometimes i wish i was dead. it has just totally crushed my life. while others are worrying about their relationships, or silly school work, i am here worrying about will i be in hell in the next life.

i just can't do it. i have to reject islam. i can not accept it. it is too much!

i feel so lonely like this. my friends know nothing about this either.

ok well i just had to let that out. it is killing me.
[/end rant]


I can help you of you let me!
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ibnishaq
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hello thanx both of you for the support.

all brains, i would love for you to help me. i can not tell you how awesome that would be!
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All_Brains
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ibnishaq wrote:
hello thanx both of you for the support.

all brains, i would love for you to help me. i can not tell you how awesome that would be!


Sure let's do it!

It's up to you, we can do it in PM's of you want privacy or we can use this very thread so that the answers may help others who go through the same dilemmas.

Let me know.
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www.all-brains.blogspot.com
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ibnishaq
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

here is fine. but if you ever want to PM instead of messaging you can do that.

thanks!

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